...at high school.

It's been less than 4 days and I already ended up crying on the bus, that's how bad it is. On the plus side, red mascara hardly runs when you're in tears. :/

Okay, so first I got sick in the middle of school, so I felt like shit, one of the girls who gave me hell last year transferred into my science class, I tripped over the stairs and could hear 4 or 5 people laughing at me as I walked through the halls for a good 10 minutes afterward. Damn, I want to transfer already. Maybe I should. But that's not really the problem.

'Cause I can feel myself getting more and more paranoid... it's getting worse and worse, and it's so easy to tell. Whenever someone talks to me I feel like they're secretly annoyed with me, or even gossip behind my back, or when I look at someone I'm afraid they're glaring at me... this even happens with my best friends sometimes... I want to shake the feeling but I keep wondering what if it's true, 'cause I don't want to let my guard down if it is...

The voice went away, but I have this crazy feeling that she's a ghost, though I don't really have much evidence to prove it. :/ I haven't slept for the past week 'cause I feel like I need to fix something about myself, but I can't figure out what without falling into a nervous wreck. I'm afraid that if she returns and I haven't done as she wanted, I'll have failed her... I can't focus on school and art and writing like I used to 'cause trying to appease this voice is screwing me up, especially 'cause she might not even be real (but I'm sure if she knew I said that she'd be furious)

I'm already failing three classes and school's barely started, and I feel like I should talk to people and try to make friends but something's blocking me... so, hell, I don't know what to do. And my parents thought I was kidding when I told them I might be schizo. I'd really, really just love some meds or something to make it all go away right now. Just calm down, and see things the way normal people do. At least for a try. I don't think you can get schizophrenia meds at CVS though... so what am I supposed to do? I mean... I used to love school, 'cause it was fun and entertaining (you would not BELIEVE the middle school :/)... now I feel like I can't handle it at all. I'm seriously considering transferring.

And medication. LOTS of medication.

:/